The Dream of Righteousness

I am drawn to people who are good-hearted, kind people who exemplify a wholesomeness that feels right at its core. I have been involved with many causes spearheaded by people who stand for righteousness and the greater good, but as I get older the lines blur and the veil of illusion around a particular filter being inviolate weakens. This small "I" has been humbled many times by the shattering of conviction to absolutes that cannot contain the wholeness of spirit, however it may choose to appear. The only thing I know to be true now is that things are not always what they appear to be and love calls me to be present to the moment and what it offers.

I also see that at the core of this draw to live a righteous life is the desire to be loved—if I am good enough then I will be admired, respected, loved. Fair enough, after all the desire to be kind and to do no harm makes for better human relations and benefits all of life. Nevertheless, if my ultimate goal is to awaken fully, then even this beautiful dream must be surrendered. I must be willing to go unrecognized as anyone special. Resisting being ordinary, and equally as human in all that is contained within me, has perhaps been my biggest stumbling block. It has caused me to judge and create separation.

The spiritual teacher Gangaji once spoke of her days as an activist before "awakening" and the realization that she came to that those fighting against the "wrong doers," whoever they were, didn’t really want those people to "get it" because then they would all be the same. The activists would no longer be seen as more virtuous and on some level that was disturbing, because this was the basis of their identity.

If it is all a dream, then the dream of righteousness has a lot of appeal. At the same time it is a hard one to want to wake up from, just like when I have dreams with a very high pleasure content that I want to linger in longer. What comes with awakening is unknown, and I do believe there is nothing that "I" can do to make myself more worthy. In the meantime, to be present to love, whatever that looks like, seems a worthwhile endeavor.