Creating a Space for Tenderness

Yesterday was the one-year anniversary of my father's death. What was perhaps saddest for me was how little I felt about it. I think this was because I mourned the emotional absence of my father in my life many years ago. He was a man whose pain became his prison, even though the door was unlocked and unguarded. I suppose it is like the elephants trained for the circus--at first they are constrained in a way that is painful so that eventually they can just be tethered by a small rope, which they could easily break if they tried, but mentally they have been conditioned to accept their captivity.

I consider the biofeedback work I do a gift, because when a stranger walks in and sits down with me they are giving consent for me to facilitate a dialogue with the higher intelligence of their body/mind/spirit. What is transformative about the process, for me anyway, is that they are trusting me to hold them as a precious, sacred being and to witness what is blocking their energy with compassion. Time and again I am humbled by the tears that are released when I ask a person who has been viewed as a social outcast in some way, Has anyone ever really seen your tenderness? I'm wondering if perhaps those who are the most tender, are those who develop the hardest exteriors and the most disruptive behaviors?

Dad, I'm feeling you today and offering a prayer in your honor:
Let me be tender, and make that safe for you too, whatever form you may now show up in.
I love you, please forgive me.

If you were all alone in the universe with no one to talk to, no one with which to share the beauty of the stars, to laugh with, to touch, what would be your purpose in life? It is other life, it is love, which gives your life meaning. This is harmony. We must discover the joy of each other, the joy of challenge, the joy of growth.

~ Mitsugi Saotome

Is it so bad to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh.

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Authenticity

There’s something about becoming authentic that challenges the ego. As I move more and more into that place of transparency and vulnerability to bring forward that which has been in the shadow in order to diffuse its influence in my life—in the collective—I notice how it is often met with the need of other minds, or intellects to offer their understandings from a teaching perspective. My intent is not to seek healing through the sharing of precepts that my mind is already well versed in, but rather to open in a way that invites authenticity to meet itself.

At the moment I am grappling with a sense of not really knowing what it is to love. I don’t mean to love in the sense of being kind or offering care and compassion in the way of enfolding another, because from that perspective I know myself to be very loving. The love that I am speaking of is the kind of love that calls me to open, to unfold rather than enfold—to let down the walls around my heart that have shielded judgment, inconsideration and lack of awareness. This is the love that can fully meet what is, with an open hand that doesn’t cling or claim ownership. This is the love that allows me to be naked and transforms weaknesses to strengths in its presence. This is the love that leaves me speechless in the face of limiting perceptions, unable to identify with the rightness of my own ideas. In this state of love nothing is really known, but there is an offering up of everything joyfully. I’ve tasted it, as I’m sure many have, and yet too much of my experience has been within the walls of enfolded love, which protects from harm, unknowingly limiting the potential for real depth.

I believe that love, in this larger sense, is calling all of us now. Will you meet me there?

Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.

~ Carl Jung

Someday, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love. Then for the second time in the history of the world, we will have discovered fire.

~ Teilhard de Chardin

Laughter Is Good Medicine

I know I'm a bit behind the curve when it comes to all of the technology that is out there, but just today I learned of the iTouch from Apple. This brought to mind the joke that was circulating on the internet years ago about a new Apple product release below, which I found hilarious:

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iTit will cost $499 to $599 depending on speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Of course, I burst into laughter when I imagined discussing the two products together. These people are marketing geniuses! What guy could resist ordering both the iTouch and the iTit together? I'm sure if Apple could do it and be politically correct they would be all over it. In any event, they know how to make technology fun and to get people to smile at the same time.

Centenarian Wisdom

I remember reading a study about the common lifestyle habits of centenarians, or those who have lived to be 100 plus. These all resonated with me and they seemed obvious. At the same time, these very commonsense practices made these people exceptional. Here are the elements I remember.

They all had:
1) strong family and/or social circles and volunteered or gave back to their communities.
2) an abundance of love in their lives.
3) an ability to laugh easily and a joyful disposition.
4) an ability to release painful memories or situations. They processed them and moved on.
5) resilience.
6) simple, healthy diets.
7) a routine of physical activity.
8) an openness to new ideas and an enjoyment of learning.

I may have missed some, but this is the essence.

These are all things that I have a choice about and that are available to all people, regardless of economic or social status. Sounds simple, right? Well, I think it is . . . and it isn't because the mind has a way of wanting to create situations to make it feel needed. You know, problems it needs to resolve--things it needs to manage.

You probably wonder where I am going with all of this. I don't really know, Ha! Ha! If I did I most likely wouldn't be writing about it. I'd be one of those people that you occasionally see walking down the street who is beaming and laughing for no apparent reason. I love seeing people like this, it's contagious! I know I've heard people say, What is up with that person? as if they are wondering about their sanity. Once I saw a guy practically floating down the street. He was singing and had the biggest smile on his face. I think I made some query about the source of his joy and he said gleefully, Nothing really.

So, if it’s just a matter of giving my mind something it feels satisfied doing, so that it doesn’t create havoc, I’m imagining a new job description for it:

1) We have gone to a self-reporting system, so that means the only one you need to manage is yourself.
2) For all your years of good service I am giving you a less stressful job—just pay attention to when you are taking on too much and getting frustrated and go on break.
3) Think of ways to boost morale among co-workers.
4) Make sure that everything is functioning smoothly in the physical plant (my body) and if it isn’t, don’t ignore it until it becomes a problem.
5) Notice beauty, or acts of kindness, and stop to reflect on them as inspiration for new innovations or creative projects.
6) We no longer need a projectionist, because we are going to a holographic medium. We think you can easily come up to speed, if you choose to apply for this position.
7) We’re putting you in charge of visioning positive solutions for the greater good of the organization and helping to manifest them.
8) You can now stop activating the alarm system to test the emergency preparedness program you have developed. Half the employees are now out on stress leave and the other half have opted to start tele-commuting.
9) You will never become obsolete in the organization; because your value is not how much you assertively take charge of, but rather how you keep things running smoothly without needing to be noticed.

Thanks for your good service!
- Control Central (The Heart)


Each person has inside a basic decency and goodness. If he listens to it and acts on it, he is giving a great deal of what it is the world needs most. It is not complicated but it takes courage. It takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act on it.

~ Pablo Casals

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.

~ Winston Churchill

When we yield to discouragement it is usually because we give too much thought to the past and to the future.

~ St. Therese of Lisieux

The illiterate of the 21st century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn, and relearn.

~ Alvin Toffler

Feel Good Ideas!

I like people who think in terms of possibility. The family featured in the two youtube links are modeling abundant, Earth-friendly living in urban areas. This really inspires me because it has the potential to transform cities and bring much more joy and satisfaction into people's lives at the same time. There is also a lot of potential for deepening community by connecting people who own land they can "homestead" with folks who don't own property, but who want to grow their own food.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEvHVXoNZCE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVJtpuOyCo0

When we join our hands to those around us, we can do even better than transform our own lives, we can transform the face of the earth.

~ Erik Weihenmayer

Most things worth doing in the world had been declared impossible before they were done.

~ Louis Brandeis

Separation

The following might seem an odd addition to a blog on nurturing and home self-care practices. Yet, the interesting thing for me is being present to all of what comes up connected to the motivation for health and renewal. I look at health as being on all levels: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual and I am aware that sometimes the external practices just don't make any difference when there is internal struggle. It is at those moments that I ask myself, What is at the core of what is longing to be healed? Ultimately, I would have to say that it comes down to a sense of separation--from source and/or connection to others.

I once heard an accounting of a conversation someone said they had with Christ. I don’t discount such possibilities and simply take the words within to see if they contain truth that resonates with me. In the reported exchange Christ explained that there had been a misinterpretation of the crucifixion and that the gift of it was not that he came to die for our sins. Rather, he had come into this world unseparated from God and the gift was his agreement to separate and to know the pain of separation, which he experienced fully as a part of what led up to the crucifixion moment, and then to bring love to it that separation may be ended. Upon hearing this I was suddenly without resistance as the walls of protection melted into a pool of gratitude, washed by my tears into the stream that carries all human experience back to source. He also said that the root of the word judgment means to separate and that it could have been said, Separate not, lest ye be separated.

As spiritual seekers there seems an underlying desire to transcend our humanness, rather than just being present to all of it without judgment and bringing love to it. I had a profound experience of this when I learned of the suicide of a woman I knew from a new age community. It evoked the following poem.

Prayer for Your Passing

I did not know you well,
the proper hostess,
offering a variety of perfectly presented affirmations and awarenesses.
Yet, I was hungry for something more.
It was you I wanted to savor—
to chew the fat of life together,
wrestling with the gristly questions
that get at the heart of what it is to be human.
To offer less, even in brief encounters,
is to deny ourselves access to life—
the energetic flow which sustains—
and we are left longing.

Would that we could see each other’s pain.
To look without judgment or
need to offer prescriptions for healing,
but to meet in a place where we simply
hold each other in love,
knowing that this is our birthright.

For you it is too late.
I mourn that you, a gentle, lithe being,
could not feed yourself from the bread you broke,
the bread of your body that you gave in offering
that we might see the tragedy of our illusive ways.

Released from the limitations of a mortal body,
and railings of a condemning human mind,
may your spirit be free.
Unencumbered, pure light,
now one with the questions unanswered.
Sing and dance among the stars,
the flame of your spirit shooting across the heavens.
We wish upon you tonight
that all may join in that place where there is no hiding.
This is my prayer in honor of your passing.

~ Dawn Griffin

If you have commented on one of the blogs, please check that same blog for response comments.

Transparency

We are in a new time, or at least on the fringe of it. What I believe is required to fully realize our wholeness, both individually and as a species on this precious planet are transparency, vulnerability and trust.

What I write in these blogs is meant to elicit greater awareness, both in myself because I am willing to risk judgment and alienation, and on behalf of the collective because I know this is more than my personal story. The truth is that judgment and alienation are rampant, as are delusion and denial. In the biofeedback work I do with clients, delusion is often in the mix of what is blocking their energy. This one throws people, particularly those who pride themselves on having a good grasp on their reality and willfully manifesting what they desire. I believe that in many cases, if not most, the ingredients for the cake have already been combined and baked and the territory that we are working in to express our free will for choice-making only has to do with what icing we are putting on the cake. As cellular biologist, Bruce Lipton, points out in his book Spontaneous Evolution, 95% of what dictates how we are functioning (physically, mentally, emotionally) is in what he refers to as the hard wiring that got set into place by about age 7. Our area of conscious influence only comes into play in the remaining 5%. We can get to that hard wiring and reprogram it, but it requires a lot of conscious presence and an understanding of how to dialogue with the habitual stories that constantly run below the radar unnoticed until we start paying attention.

At first, writing about my home spa vacation was exciting because it had been so long since I was in a position to create my own space in just the way I wanted it. I love having a quiet sanctuary to retreat to and the ability to really nurture myself. Taking care of myself so that I continue to enjoy good health is a good thing, if that’s all that it is about. If it becomes an obsession with staying young and desirable, that’s another conversation. I have also come to identify with myself as being a loner, and yet I know that the most important work I have to do in this life has to do with learning to be in relationship with others—in a highly conscious way. Learning to be self-sufficient and to not “need” anyone was a knee-jerk reaction to being incredibly tender and grasping for survival mechanisms in a world that is often disappointing. The irony is that I have perfected self-care and self-love in ways that are truly positive, and yet my resistance to admitting that the love of another gives my life stability has left an empty space within that no amount of home spa nurturing can satiate. I think having “another” in my life can even be met with an animal companion. Perhaps this hole is more noticeable to me now because my beautiful cat companion of 18 years left my life recently.

Maybe if I fully realize my innate awakeness someday this will all be a mute point, but somehow I feel that denial of any part of my humanness keeps me running on the wheel in the cage. If I really am honest with myself, I’ve set up an insane dichotomy between perfecting self-love and self-sufficiency (which for me still has elements of being a misguided attempt at not needing anyone else), and doing all of the things I perceive will enhance my desirability so that I can attract “the right person” into my life.

I am old enough to not really have delusions about a fairy-tale romance where I live happily ever after with Prince Charming. I also know the immense benefits of partnering with someone who has done a lot of their own work and who can compassionately team up with me for discovering our blind spots in order to contribute to rewriting the collective story—not to mention just to have a lot of fun!

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.
~ Pearl S. Buck

Stillness

Of all of the practices that I have shared, probably the single most important one for renewing myself on all levels is getting still. I don't just mean ceasing doingness, because there can still be a lot of inner turmoil even when I sit to meditate or pray. Over the course of many years as a "spiritual seeker" I have tried many of the approaches for disengaging the mind, or "being the watcher." My conclusion is that while they all have their place, what has truly brought me to that still place is a combination of grace that tends to follow a surrendering or giving up on trying to will something into being different than it is, and an immersion into love.

The fallling into love, when it leaves me with a sense of both being permeated and permeating, also seems to be more of a yielding. It is not subject to a specific context and excludes nothing. There is a sense of opening my hands and releasing the reins of control, allowing movement to stop and an energy to wash over me that words can't really describe. It is that sense of Aaaaahhhhh on every level and expansion from the center place I could relate to my heart, but that fills a much bigger space than my body.

For me, the place that most readily evokes this stillness and expandedness is being in nature. When I am really present with the Earth it is hard not to be in awe. Grace seems to follow on the heels of an experience like this, which gives me pause. What words or arguements are there for an ancient being--an old growth redwood tree--that has witnessed a major part of human history?

I love the following quote, and if I were to imagine these sacred, ancient beings speaking it might be to say something like this, in the same tone that someone who loves me dearly might chidingly say.

"You're lost but you're making good time." ~ Casey Stengel

Innocent Perception and Love

Today feels like a good day to post these lovely quotes on love--Beautiful!

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" Here’s what they had to say:

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

Additional Tips for Cleansing

There are a few things that came up during my cleanse that are worth sharing. One was that I had a tooth that started having a lot of pain, like it was developing a cavity. This situation was worsened by the fact that I was drinking so much maple syrup in the lemonade and it would have been hard to brush my teeth every time I drank some. What I did start doing was thoroughly swishing water in my mouth each time I would drink more of the lemonade. In addition, after brushing my teeth I would swish my mouth with a little water and some Myrrh tincture for teeth and gum health and follow it with a mouthwash with Neem in it. These are both known to contribute to teeth and gum health. I could tell this was working because initially it would cause the sensitive area to react, but over a few days it went away. I also used the dental program in the biofeedback I work with to help relieve the stresses in that area.

During the entire course of the cleanse I was also swishing a tablespoon of organic sesame oil in my mouth each morning while I showered and got ready for work. I understand this is good for helping to detox radiation from the system and an energy healer in the healing arts complex I work in said this would also help with any type of infection in the body. The suggestion is to do this for 20 minutes before spitting it out. Anyway, the combination of things resolved the issue with my tooth and allowed me to complete the cleanse.

I also want to say that I began the cleanse with the hope of "resetting" my system and slowly reintroducing healthy foods to see what worked best for my body related to maintaining an optimal weight. It was wonderful to lose weight during the cleanse and to feel so much energy, and I have put the weight back on after I started eating again, even though I have kept my diet very basic and not introduced foods like wheat and dairy. I still feel the benefits have been wonderful, and I just want to be honest about the potential of regaining weight, so that this isn't undertaken as a quick-fix, weight-loss program. Starting with rebalancing and supporting the body's healthy functions is always the best approach for weight loss. Believe me this has been an area of struggle for me, even doing all the "right" things, like healthy eating and exercise, so I understand the temptation to take any measures to change this. This is definitely an area of surrender for me and loving what is.

Cleansing Experiences

A big part of what inspired me to begin this blog was doing a cleanse called The Master Cleanse. I had heard about this for years and just never got around to doing it. Detoxifying is something I am often doing in one form or another, since it is really beneficial to overall health. Our bodies are required to deal with more toxins from processed, chemical-additive foods, drugs, environmental pollutants, and mental factors than ever before in history. While the body is absolutely a miracle in terms of all the functions it performs simultaneously to keep us ticking along, it is often pushed past the limit of what it can handle and requires help from us to get rebalanced. Detoxifying is a primary way to do that. Once the gunk is cleared out, the body can get back to the business of maintaining health.

People often focus on all of the external beauty regiments and bypass this very essential core of health. It's somewhat like having your yard landscaped, your house painted, and other external beatifications but never taking the garbage out of your house. You can imagine that after a while you are not going to want to live there.

Before I go into more details about my most recent cleansing experience, I will say that I have spent many years working with my system and creating a dialogue with my body so that I get very clear information on what is working for me and what isn't. If you are considering doing a cleanse for the first time in your life, and you are new to what I will call alternative, self-care, then it would be good to start out slowly and with some support from someone like a nutritionist. Detoxifying too quickly can bring on a healing crisis, which is not likely to be fatal, but can be uncomfortable. Best not to add unnecessary stress to the body.

The Master Cleanse is aimed at clearing mucus and old fecal matter out of the intestinal tract, balancing pH and detoxifying chemicals, etc. The recommendation is to do a minimum of 10 days. During the cleanse you drink only the lemonade made from fresh squeezed lemons, pure grade B maple syrup and cayenne pepper. I can give the exact recipe, but it would be better to find the complete directions for the drink, preparation, and support during the cleanse. I imagine this can be found online, or the booklet may be available at health food stores. I also noticed that there is now a product at the health food store called Master Cleanse, although I don't know the manufacturer. This product is a combination of all of the elements in the proper ratios for the drink. This would make it pretty handy and convenient.

I think the general rule of thumb for doing cleanses is to aim to do them in the spring and fall, because as the weather turns cold it is not the best time for the body to be cleansing. You can end up getting too cold if you cleanse in winter. My timing happened to be perfect, catching the tail-end of the 100 degree temperatures.

I will say that my energy was fantastic on the cleanse and that I never really felt hungry. The most impressive part for me was that in the first day it completely got rid of some brain fog I had been experiencing. I felt like I was plugged into a power grid and given complete clarity for moving through things that I had been painfully slogging through before. After completing the cleansing and returning to eating, the clear headedness has remained.

Because I wanted to have the best experience possible, I also walked everyday, did yoga, applied Castor oil packs over the liver and intestinal area to help dissolve mucous and pull out toxins, and did an ionic foot bath. For elimination support, I drank herbal teas for that purpose and one morning drank the suggested quart of warm salt water. I also did my routine of skin brushing everyday.

The more intention and support you bring to any process like this, the better the results will be.
Whatever you can do in any season to help your body clear toxins and relieve stress is a wonderful thing.

Here's to a clean start . . .

Finding My Way Home

As I sit here trying to think of what to say in response to the anonymous reader who wants to know more about inhabiting a world that we don't need a vacation from, I can only offer what I truly know from experience. Sadly, I must admit that knowledge is limited, but there is something on the edge of my awareness, dare I say at the edge of the collective dream that is calling us to this awakening. I feel it like a tractor beam, or one of the incredibly forceful eddys on the Grand Canyon that would grab our boat in seemingly calm waters.

While I think the home spa exercises or routines are useful for staying healthy and balanced, I must authentically admit that they are also a means of creating a peaceful sanctuary, i.e., a place to renew and love myself in the absence of a deeper connection in my day to day world. My soul longs for something it isn't finding in the world and the awakeness in me knows it never will, at least on the level I am looking--thus the tractor beam has been engaged to pull me home against my egoic will. What that will ultimately be like can't be known from the perspective of present mind story.

However, in the process of surrendering to the greater will , I don't think it hurts to employ certain tools that just make life more fun. One is innocent perception, or seeing the world through the eyes of a young child who has not yet been conditioned to judge what they are seeing or to fit it into a certain story. Byron Katie asks the question in her work, "Is that really true?" Everytime I have genuinely let go of reactionary responses to allow what is more accurate to emerge, I have been humbled to realize that things are not always what they appear to be. As a matter of fact, probably more often than not this is the case, or at least things are far more complex than what they were reduced to. In these moments of unbiased perception there is nothing to resist, and I am filled with awe--flow returns and gratitude rushes in.

I also love living life as an adventure, present to the next clue. If I had to characterize the universe, I would say it is a mischievious trickster that loves to play, with a wonderful sense of humor. That's one of the reasons I love hanging out with children. They haven't forgotten this yet.

The following Rumi poem really strikes a chord for me, as much of my life has been spent seeking love in some form, while simultaneously knowing that it is all love.

Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
~ Rumi

Random Thoughts

I must confess that this blogging experience is new for me and in the beginning it seemed like a fun idea to share my home spa experience. Now, however, I'm wondering if I am just writing so that I have a sense of offering something useful, when in fact my thoughts are just more static in the collective field. The good thing about blogs is that if someone is not interested they just don't check in and this becomes my virtual diary. I suppose that's better than being with someone you think wants to hear what you have to say and half way through sharing your experience you realize they haven't really been present for any of it. Aaaahhhh, more opportunities for detachment.

The irony is that when I was young I had one of those locking diaries so that no one would pry into my private thoughts. Now I post them on the internet and consider what random idea I can throw in to snap the reader out of the daze of information overload. The truth is I think we are all ready for a bigger, juicier story--one that makes us sit up and pay attention, one that invites us to truly be alive in a new way because it is based on joy and playfulness.

I'll get back to the home spa vacation another day to finish sharing tips from my current experience, but what I am really interested in is talking about inhabiting a world that we don't feel we need a vacation from.

I have some thoughts on that, if anyone wants to hear them. I would love to hear yours as well.

Beauty Is More Than Skin Deep

Well it seems like skin care and spa experiences go together and there are several techniques I use for enhancing the health of my skin. Overall, I’m lucky to have some good genetics in this department. I have also probably spent too much time “unprotected” in the sun. I love the sun and the warmth of it on my skin. I’m not a sun worshipper who has spent hours sun bathing for the sake of a tan. My time in the sun has more to do with being a nature lover and transporting myself as much as possible by foot or bicycle.

I also think that having a nice glow is generally accompanied by a similar inner state. At least I haven’t known that many people with constant bad attitudes who have radiant skin, no matter how many facials they get. There are different kinds of wrinkles too—the ones that are indicative of a soulful, heartful character and ones that speak to a life pulled down by the weight of the world. I remember years ago having a session with a Chinese medicine practitioner who did face reading. I was fairly young at the time and without a lot of what I thought of as facial characteristics that could be attributed to life experience, and yet I was blown away by how much he could tell about me just from the structure of my face. Some of the things he had to say had to do with my relationships, which made me wonder what my face might look like if the nature of those relationships had been different.

The light in someone’s eyes can really confuse my perceptions of age in a positive way. I had a friend, Barbara, who recently passed at 80 years young. Up to the very end her eyes were those of an inquisitive girl—full of life and exuberance. There was so much love in them, such a twinkle of mischief, awe, wonder and acknowledgement of other as divine potential that she always felt timeless to me. I never for a moment noticed wrinkles when such joyful eyes were engaging me. She was truly a wise elder, but that was always secondary to her eagerness to learn from whomever she was with.

All I know is that whatever lines develop to tell my story, I hope it ends up being a happy one overall. Right now I’m thinking about ways to add some regular laughter into my routine. This is one of those home spa exercises that is definitely easier with other people around, especially young children. I don’t generally burst into laughter when I’m alone, although I can find plenty of things to laugh at myself about. Minds left to their own devices seem to have a tendency to fixate on serious matters. I want to shift that default setting to something more playful and lighthearted. I know this isn’t normally what people associate with a relaxing spa experience, but it probably should be since it is such a potent way to relieve stress and accelerate health and vitality.

In the meantime, I will stick to sharing my surface skin care routine, which includes:

1) Dry brushing. This is done with a stiff bristle, vegetable fiber brush that comes with an attachable stick handle for reaching the back. As indicated by the name of the brush, it is always done with the brush dry. I do it just before showering. The brush I use is made by Yerba Prima. I began this in my early 20s after having a bicycling accident and rolling down and embankment with my bike. I had a really bad knot on my shin and my doctor at the time was concerned about this blood clot going to my heart. Anyway, the specialist he sent me to said it was in the superficial vein system and wouldn’t go to my heart. He sent me home without offering any suggestions on how to get rid of the knot that had persisted for weeks. I began doing research and learned about dry brushing for helping circulation and moving the lymph system. I began using the dry brush daily on the area and within a few days the blood clot was completely gone. I continued the practice as a way to remove the layer of dead skin, increase circulation and to make my skin feel really soft. In doing the brushing you just need to remember to only brush toward the heart, rather than downward or in circular motions. This is because the valves in the lymph system only open when the pressure below them is greater. Brushing in the manner described facilitates that movement.

2) Facial Massage. I came across a book in my mid-twenties for doing facial massage. This is a routine for enhancing facial tone and skin radiance through improving circulation and cleansing. I don’t have the book anymore and I have lapsed in my use of this practice, but I do pick it back up when time allows, and I feel like my skin could use some extra attention. In this case you do use a lot of circular motions. I do three rounds, starting with 25 repetitions in each of the facial zones, then 50 repetitions, and then 100. Use a cleansing cream with a nice consistency for allowing your fingers to glide. After each set of repetitions remove the cleansing cream from the skin with a warm washcloth and then begin the next round. The instructions are to use the middle fingers on both hands and to do gentle motions starting with the space between the eyebrows moving in an upward direction. Then from the center of the forehead outward toward the temples. Next use circular motions on the temples, followed by circular motions around the eye sockets in a clockwise rotation from the tear ducts. Then use a combination of downward strokes on the bridge of the nose and circular motions along the sides of the nose moving down to the cheeks. Again, use clockwise circular motions across the entire cheek area, over to the ears and down to the jaw line. After that, move to the mouth area and continue clockwise circular motions around the mouth, and then on the chin. Finally, come up the neck to the jaw line. The whole process takes about 20 minutes.

3) Facial Steams. Another way I keep my skin healthy is by steaming it occasionally with herbs to help detox and tone it. I buy a specific blend of herbs for this purpose from a lovely woman who sells wonderful, handmade skin care products at the local farmer’s market. I simply boil some water then put a ¼ cup of the herbs in the pot and let it steep for a few minutes. Then I lean over the pot with a towel over my head and let my face steam for a good ten minutes, or however long is comfortable. If it feels too hot just move your face a bit further above the pot.

My preference is to not wear any foundations or powders on my skin because I think it is healthier to let my skin breathe. I use a good moisturizer with minimal ingredients and ones that are organic, and recognizable herbs and oils. If it has a bunch of chemicals in it I avoid it. I also use a raw mineral blush and that’s it. When I am not cleansing my face with a facial massage I just wash it with a basic herbal soap. When it comes to skin I believe less is more and enhancing circulation is always beneficial.

Hopefully the following will elicit a smile. I consider this my warm-up exercise for the belly-laugh routine that I intend to be at the core of my home spa experience. I would love to hear from any of you who have this one mastered.

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us." ~Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes

"If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?" ~Author Unknown

"Don't forget your wife's name...That will mess up the love." --Erin, age 8.

Non-resistance Exercises

A friend of mine, who knew I had reservations before moving into the house I'm now in, read my blog and said, “It sounds like things are working out really well.”

The answer to that would be, “Yes, they are, and the issues have not been resolved. If anything my reservations have been confirmed.” Does that change the very real and positive benefits I am experiencing from my home spa vacation? NO.

I’ve come to the conclusion that life just comes with opportunities for resistance and contraction, no matter how hard I may try to create the ideal circumstances. So why wait for it to be otherwise before beginning a nurturing spa vacation—as a matter of fact, what better time is there?

Here’s a little routine I began years ago as a way of “managing” my hair, but before I share it let me give you a little background. I have very fine, curly hair and as a young girl I wanted it to be thick and straight because that was what was in style. I would blow dry my hair, use a curling iron, etc. Then in the early 80s perms were in and not only did I not have perm-type curls, but I had beaten any curl I did have into submission, so I started perming my hair. As the years went by it became more of a struggle to get my hair to look the way I wanted. No wonder, it was probably waiting for me to make up my mind about what was acceptable.

Somewhere along the way I met a stylist who did something called hair balancing. She cut my hair in a way that she said would allow it to find its natural shape, and she said the best idea would be to just love it and work with however it wanted to lie. Wow, what a concept—just let something express the way it was intended to! It was probably the best hair cut I ever had. My natural curl returned and I slowly let go of artificial means of styling, i.e., blow drying. Although if I am totally honest I have to admit that I do henna my hair because I like how it conditions it and makes it shiny and as I’ve gotten older it covers the gray. Okay, so I’m not completely there yet on letting it express the way it wants to. Ha! Ha!

Well here’s the wonderful little practice that has transformed my hair and constantly has people commenting on how beautiful it is. It so easy, it is just massaging my head, and quite vigorously. After I have washed my hair and dried it really well, I bend over and let my head hang down while I massage the scalp thoroughly. Not only does this feel really relaxing it also helps my fine hair have more body. You don’t have to bend over to massage it, but that works well for my hair. I continue to massage it after I stand upright until it is dry, and run my fingers through it in a feathering type motion. In total I probably spend 5 – 10 minutes on this process.

I finally convinced my mother to try this, since she was constantly complaining about how she couldn’t do anything with her thin, fine hair. I emphasized the part about loving what she had to work with as being the most important element and said just try this for a month and let me know what results you get. Sure enough, when she finally gave into the process she was amazed by the results.

Remember: Resistance is Futile. Now relax and enjoy!

Aaaahhhhhhh!

Home As Sacred Space

While I am often referring to home as the essential home within, how I create and perceive my physical environment is also an important part of my home spa experience.

Simple is always good for me. I prefer fewer things and a sense of spaciousness, and of course it has to be beautiful. It doesn’t take much to create beauty—fresh flowers, plants, a delicate and colorful scarf that is well placed, like the bright yellow sarong draped over a curtain rod on one window and a sheer piece of maroon fabric covering another window. At different times of the day when the sun hits each of them it alternately casts the room in gold and then rich rosy hues. When I see the room at these moments it calls me in to sit for a moment, bathed in warmth and richness befitting a queen. I love color and when it fills a room in this way it feels like angels hovering and gently flapping their luminous wings. It’s sort of like the pure light of heaven that beams through the clouds in what a former boyfriend used to refer to as “God Rays.” If I don’t have a moment to stop and take this in then what am I here for anyway?

I tend to perceive things with a childlike mind—a stone slab with the memory of leaves etched in and other brushstrokes of nature becomes a beautiful table; a bathroom with palm tree shower rings and a lush, leaf-pattern curtain next to photos of waterfalls, placid pools and leaping dolphins on the surrounding walls becomes a tropical paradise. Sort of like the spool of thread that became the throne in the palace when I was a child and not yet inured to wring imagination and joy out of the fabric of life.

During one of my leaner times my décor was a Flintstones motif—the Zen style dining table surrounded by cushions, the bed-side table next to the sleeping pad on the floor, and the tiered altar were all from the local quarry. Pretty much the only other things in the place were plants, a water fountain, a Buddha—you know the standard New Age accoutrements. Ha! Ha! Actually there have been lots of times when I lived in shared environments where I had little to say about the common space, and even if I was sleeping on a camping pad among piles of other people’s clutter (I’m sure it wasn’t clutter to them), I always found a way to place something that felt sacred close to me.

Now I have stillness, which is ultimately precious after many years of having to tolerate the incessant mindless chatter coming from a television or radio. I don’t own a TV, not because I am above watching one but because I am a recovering addict. Having spent much of my youth in front of a television I am programmed to go into trance when I get in front of one. I used to joke that I should make a bumper sticker, “I did my time with television.” Now I have a life of my own and it feels great to be in the game rather than a spectator, especially when so much of what is aired fuels what Eckhart Tolle refers to as the pain body. Even in an environment with a lot of static I can create a home spa experience. I get a CD player with headphones and play some of my favorite chants. When I put it on repeat, and low volume, as I go to sleep at night I wake up feeling elevated rather than a sense of heaviness that accompanies the disturbed dream state many people experience after watching a violent program or the news before bed.

When I create a space I think of the kind of energy I want to feel in it. I use a lot of the elements of Feng Shui and I also ask myself, what elements would I find at a spa that I can easily incorporate here? Maybe a foot bath with some wonderfully scented herbs by candle light. I like incense but some of them can be too strong for me because I am very sensitive to smells. If I burn incense I generally do it in a room in the house that I don’t spend as much time in so that it is more subtle in the other parts of the house, or I might open a window, or light some before I leave the house for a while. Then when I return there is just a bit of the scent lingering.

What stands out for you as something that brings you peace when you are in a spa or rejuvenating environment? Now see how you can bring that element into your home, even in a small way.

Aaaaahhhhhhh! Sweet dreams.